I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will be naked everywhere
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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