You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
