you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
