so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
