I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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