i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
