you guys were way drunker than both of me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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