He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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