took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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