I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
