I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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