So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
