I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
