And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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