Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
