shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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