Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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