just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
