I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
