just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
