I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
