I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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