he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
