he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
