We're facebook friends in real life
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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