Pappa wants mamma naked
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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