you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
