we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
