btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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