i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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