Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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