I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
