Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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