I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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