wat bout pragnant strippers??
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
