I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
