Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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