And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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