she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
