I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
