To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
