When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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