i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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