just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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