it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
