OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
