Your mouth is God's brothel.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
did i just pee glitter
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
