girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
