Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
