She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
