so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
