This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
